Cho's Cheese
by starrybutterfly
Summary: Cho's having a baby with a mystery guest! Hermione half-swears, Snape goes mad, and cheese is rampant at Hogwarts! {One Shot}


Title: Cho's Cheese

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Don't sue.

Distribution: If you want it, take it. Make sure you let me know where it goes or I'll be MAD.

Feedback: Give. Or else I'll get Lupin to bite you. I'm allowed. It's my story. Muhahaha!

Spoilers: Book 5. Except the person who died didn't. I won't say his/her name in case you haven't read it (honestly, you call yourself a fan?!)

A/N: Yay! I wrote a new story! I've been thinking about cheese a lot recently, and so I had the urge to write about it. The part of the story is from Ron's Point of View (though he pays very little part to the very small plot). I guess this is set in the 6th book.

~*~

**Authors Warning: Beware of Cheese! Also, don't flame me if this people go OOC (Out of Character for anyone who's wondering). It's the cheese, okay?**

**Ron's POV**

Harry enters the common room with a dazed look on his face, a bit like the one he had last year when Cho kissed him under the mistletoe. 

"Harry? What's the matter?" Hermione asks worriedly, "Did you eat cheese? You know it makes you go funny…"

Oops.

Well, how was I supposed to know he'd end up like this? It was only a small bit I put on his cereal…

"No…"he murmurs.

Hah. So he *thinks*.

"Well what's the matter then?"

Honestly. She cares so much more for him than me. 

And Cheese.

But everyone likes cheese more than me. 

*I* like cheese more me.

"I…I…I just spoke to…C-Cho…"

Hah! I knew it!

"Did you two have another argument?" she asks.

"Not exactly…"Harry replies, "I'm going to go to bed now…"

Hermione puts A History of Magic down, reluctantly.

I don't know why, it's not like it's the first time she's read it.

"Harry! It's four O' clock in the afternoon! What's the matter?" 

Well it's obvious isn't it? It's the cheese. Except she believes every he says…very gullible, our Hermione.

"Cho's….pregnant…"

"Bloody hell…" I say

Hermione lets out a scream, and clasps her hands over her mouth, and I fall off my chair. 

Luckily, some run away cheese breaks my fall, but my arse still hurts.

"It's not funny!" Harry is obviously on the verge of tears.

"No one said it was!" Hermione protests, before she lets out another scream. 

"Oh my god, we're late for Potions! Snape's gonna kill us!"

We grab our books, and run to the dungeons, tripping over some Swiss cheese on the way.

#*#During the lesson#*#

"But, how did it happen?" Hermione hisses.

Harry shrugs, "I don't know. It just did"

"Harry it can't just *happen!"

"Yeah," I agree, "Last year you two weren't even speaking!"

Snape comes to stand behind Hermione, but she doesn't seem to notice. 

"What are you going to do about it anyway? You're going to have to support her and everything! This is a *baby* Harry!"

Snape's eyes widen, and he hurries off to his desk.

Well, now we know how to get rid of snape; just mention a baby.

Snape is now hitting some singing cheese on his desk with an empty potion bottle. Neville and Seamus seem to be laughing at him-they obviously haven't noticed the Cheese crawling into their potion…

Ow. 

#*#The Hospital Wing#*#

Apparently, a Sleeping Draught and Cheese don't go well together. The whole class is here, and Hermione is going on about Cho's condition, and how the trauma of her baby's father going to hospital will effect her.

I think she cares more about Baby Harry than he does. 

Snape is murmuring something about babies (He must have had a bad child-hood).

Cho comes rushing in, looking distraught. Hermione has a smug look on her face, "See?", she says, "Trauma!"

"Help!" Cho says, "I'm being chased by cheese!"

Hermione's face falls, and Harry and I burst out laughing. Cho's eyes narrow and we stop quickly. 

The cheese comes into the wing, and Cho screams and runs out. The cheese jumps on my bed, sniff me, make a noise that sounds remarkably like an 'Ugh!' and jumps off again.

I'm hoping it's looking for something smelly, because if it's not, I'm offended. I washed last night, thank you very much.

The cheese has sidled its way over to Snape's bed ("Babies…Potter…Oh, good god, no mother, not the cheese…Help me…") and is currently…ew …*licking* Snape's nose. 

"Aaaggghh!" Snape shouts, "Cheese!" 

The whole potions class, except a few Slytherins (weather this is because they like Snape, or because they have their own cheese troubles, I don't know).

Cho comes back in again, only to find Malfoy falling at her feet, staring at her with wild blue eyes, clutching some rampant cheese. She stares bewilderedly   at him for a few seconds, before coming over to Harry's bed.

"Harry?" she says, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Yeah?" he asks

"I've got something to tell you…and…and you're not going to like it, I'm really sorry Harry, but…"

"Oh my gosh!" Hermione screams, pointing her finger, a feral look in her eyes, "You've lost the baby, you bitch!"

Cho and Harry look shocked. I think I do to. Hermione swore! Now *that* has got to come at regular intervals from now on. Hermione gasps, and looks sheepish. 

"Sorry" she says, lowering her head, and flicking some cheese off her bed. 

"Anyway…"Cho shakes her head, and continues, "I lied to you Harry"

"What? You mean you're not…" he points a finger at her abdomen.

"Oh, yes, well I am. But it's not yours…its…oh, god, Harry it's…it's Charlie Cheese's!" 

I can't help it. 

I snort.

I stutter.

I burst out laughing.

Cho glares, but soon turns back to Harry after an "I'll talk to *you* later" to me.

Uh-oh. Cho scares me sometimes…

"Well, as I said, I'm sorry Harry. You see…the cheese…he didn't want to support me, he already has a wife and five cheeses, so I pretended it was you"

"And you think I might not have guessed it wasn't mine when our baby was yellow with holes in?" Harry says coolly.

Hermione, meanwhile, is silently fuming, but she obviously can't hold back any longer. "Ohhhhh…that cheese is going to be sorry it messed with my…I mean your…baby" she almost growls.

Hermione scares me too sometimes…

She storms out the wing (even though we're all in quarantine – but I don't think it dangerous. I mean, Cho and the Cheese are OK, aren't they?)

#*#Corridors#*#

We all decide to follow her, as Hermione is quite dangerous when she sets her mind to something. (poor innocent Charlie cheese…well, no,  he's not really *innocent* is he?)

A couple of cheeses pass us on the way, and Harry stares at them longingly (he's a cheese addict, but it makes him go a bit coo-coo which most people do *not* appreciate).

"YOU'VE BEEN A BAD, BAD CHEESE!" A familiar female voice shouts from down the next corridor.

We run to it, and we Hermione glaring at a slice of Cheddar, cowering in a corner.

"Hermione! Leave Charlie alone!" Cho cries, "Do you want this cheese to be fatherless?"

Hermione's eyes widen, and she backs away, "Of course not!", she says, "and I've finished with him anyway. He's agreed to support you and the baby, emotionally and financially"

"Agreed?" I murmur to Harry, "I doubt he had any choice!". Harry nods in agreement.

This obviously hasn't crossed Cho's mind, as she runs forward to Charlie Cheese.

"Really?", she squeals, "Oh Charlie! How wonderful! Oh, I love you so much!"

I look at Harry to see how he's re-acting to this, but he doesn't seem to bothered.

"C'mon!" Hermione, "We're still in quarantine! Oh, we're going to be in so much trouble…"

"Look who's back", Harry whispers, and I grin in response.

I take one last look at Cho, but she is covered by cheeses that appear to be hitting her. Maybe it's Charlie's wife…

But on second thoughts, who cares?

~*~The End~*~

Like? Hate? (Nooooooo…….)

Let me know!

I love feedback (especially nice bits…hint hint). I know people are OOC, but cheese has strong influences you know.

Anyway, I was thinking of doing this from Snape's POV, what does everyone else think?


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